Love is here, present here, inside and all around us, in the room. It is the basis and foundation of every breath and every sentence spoken. monixo

My client was very sick and this was her first at home appointment, requested by her family, since she couldn’t bring herself to ask me to go out of my way for her, on her own. At this point she was no longer able to drive or make it into the salon for quite a while. When I got the word I packed up and headed over to the house having no idea what to expect when I saw her. I’d just finished listening to Super Soul sessions podcast with Oprah and Liz Gilbert. She was the guest on the podcast that week and what I heard Liz say in that interview turned out to be something so profound. I didn’t know how much it was going to mean to me, until later that day.

In the interview I heard Liz Gilbert say that what she learned about life was that all she had to do, at any given time ever, was “Be love in the room.“. Such a simple and beautiful statement, it just stuck with me. It sounded perfect since that was something that resonated with me after all my years of studying mindfulness and gratitude. I too could be love in the room, I thought as I knocked on the door, unable to catch my breath when I saw my clients shriveled body staring back at me.

I could see her first walking to the door through the window, her almost skeleton body approaching I could barely breathe. Choking back tears I was hoping she wouldn’t see the horror on my face and in turn her own.

I acted for her sake as if I’d seen much worse. I told her that this hair loss would improve with time and that we could easily make do with what we had. I worked quickly, as I could see it was difficult for her to sit very long. I started painting, trimming and styling her hair with skipping a beat. By the end I could see she was in so much pain. This particular client never liked her hair very short, in fact she loved her hair long and smooth, with lots of highlights and a light copper glaze…however at this point her hair couldn’t take bleach, so we made do with no ammonia coverage on the grays.

Her eyes told the story of the full life she lived that day. The thing that made the lump in my throat even harder to swallow when I spent time with her, was that we were only a couple years apart in age. We had known each other since we were in our early 20s and to see her like this now was heartbreaking. I could never get used to seeing someone so young be so sick. When we met both of us were wild at heart types, who had the same love for fun and friendship.I know we saw ourselves in each other, even when it came down to our expensive shoe collections…Always heels, all the time! This is how the two of us rolled in those days when we were single. She was the first to get married and settle down with kids. But it was motherhood that bonded us in the next chapter of our lives. And when I ended my marriage, she shared with me that she too was terribly unhappy and wanted to divorce as well. I can’t say I was stunned, just a little unsure it was something she would actually do, until she did. Her family had a strong bond and a ton of influence in all of her decision making, unlike mine. She knew planning her escape would have to take time and thoughtful consideration of the entire family dynamic. She never dreamed she didn’t have much time to spare. I remember they lived together in separate rooms, living separate lives for several years. All the while planning and plotting her new dream life.I was single and dating after a difficult and painful divorce myself and although I was been strapped with piles of debt and lived in a tiny apartment with my two daughters, I knew she envied my freedom to go and live my life on my own. She too longed to find the sense of adventure we had once had about life, and find a new love to share the rest of her life with. Certainly my life is far from a party but for those on the outside looking in it probably did seem that way at the time. My relationship had been a very different situation then hers. I would say that mine was dire and that I didn’t have a choice to stay. Where she could choose to stay and wait things out, but felt trapped and unable to justify why she was leaving.

She took ill with cancer right before she was about to separate. Bringing everything to a standstill. Her husband remained in the house and took care of everything while she underwent treatment for colon cancer. As the next painful years passed and she made a full recovery. She got stronger again and the treatment appeared to have been a success. She was finally cancer free and pursued the divorce in those preceding months. They moved on but remained close in proximity for their children sake. The animosity was thick and building, let’s just say that, we had very few laughs when it was finally completed. I had warned her that divorce was the hardest thing she was ever going to go through, but I was glad that I could be there to support her.

We cried very little when we spoke about the exes, mostly we focused our conversations on how bright our futures looked. How now being independent women we would conquer our dreams and not let anything stop us.

About three years after the divorce her cancer came back with a vengeance. The struggle became an all out fight for her life. I saw strength in her, I never knew existed in a human being. I knew it was a mothers love that gave her that strength to fight.

So here I was at this point, on this day, standing over her, washing her hair in her kitchen sink, trying to put the pieces of her balding head in some sort of order, and give her some hint of grace. As we were about to finish I asked her sister to get her favorite lipgloss and a mirror so she could see herself looking her best. Just as I handed her the mirror, there was a knock at the door it was her ex-husband, he stopped by to check in on her.

I can’t explain what happened there in that moment, that day. As I stood there politely and awkwardly I saw a look in his eyes. He was so openly complementing her, telling her how beautiful she looked, as if nothing had ever changed. I stood strong in my thought that I just had to “ be love in the room,” just like Liz Gilbert had said…

Then and there, I witnessed a love between them, through all the pain and sorrow, all the dreams of a future they never shared, their broken friendship, their parental bond, their sacrifice for each other, their joy and their pain, it was all about love in the end. I had chills all over my body, that was real love in the room.

For all of us there are moments that will imprint in our mind forever, this was one of those moments for me. It was in their eyes I could see the love between them and in the room I could feel it. When he left she turned and looked directly at me and said, “ he’s been amazing.” She went on to say he had been checking in often and helping out with what he could. I took down the lump in my throat, holding back tears…if she wasn’t crying then I would be damn sure I wasn’t gonna break down, at least not in front of her.

I couldn’t help but watch her mother and sister clamoring around to get her settled, as I packed my things to go. I cherish the moment she first saw her face in the mirror that day, lighting up to say, “wow I look pretty darn good” 🙂 to me that was everything! As I got to the door I asked her if she had anything fun planned for later, a question I ask almost everyone is in my chair…I just love hearing how people plan to show off their newly coiffed hair styles…it was a silly question considering the circumstances but it just rolled off my lips like life was normal. I felt silly until I got her answer and it made me smile…She told me she’d be heading out for a walk later to the end of the driveway where her neighbor meets her every day for a hug. She told me not to worry that she was going to fight, I was sure she would.

I returned a month later and much to my surprise shed improved a little, she look like she gained two or three pounds, her skin was clear and she was more talkative. Laughter was very painful for her but it was tough because we were usually in stitches when we were together. This time upon leaving I was able to plan our next visit in the coming weeks and thought maybe she’d be able by then to even make it back in the salon. I told her I loved her and waved from my car as she stood on the porch, waving back at me. From that day on I only got bad news from family members that she had taken ill again, this time was very weak. They requested I come to the house again to help to cheer her up. I was packing to go when they called and said they had lost her! Just days after her oldest baby graduated high school, said she closed her eyes and went peacefully with her family all around her. I have to say this was the toughest part for me to process, a mother going and leaving her babies behind. She must’ve been so spent, every last breath filled with a fight. I lit candles everywhere I could that night and vowed to no matter what I’m doing no matter who I’m speaking with, to try my very best to always be love in the room. To hold space for people in my chair and in my life, like my beautiful friend and celebrate their lives with them while I still can.

We all have so much to give and so much to learn from each other. My clients life taught me without love there is no jealousy, without love there is no rage, without love there is no grace and that love is all there is, in the end we are all love in the room. monixo